Hung up

Over the weekend, I came to the conclusion that my belief on marriage can be summed up this way - it is a utopia theory, like communism. Great in theory, fails miserably in practice the majority of the time.
Why do we continue to raise our nations daughters to think they HAVE to get married?
If you don't, then there is something wrong with you.
Why is it wrong to want to be your own person and not wrap your self worth & identity up in an archaic tradition that fails more often than not?
Oprah is one of the most powerful women on earth. And she's not married.
But no one likes to acknowledge that it seems.

I guess I am little hung up on this whole concept.
I hate seeing people in marriages that are unhappy and not working.
I hate seeing people being treated differently because of a failed marriage ending in divorce.
I hate seeing people bring children into unhappily married homes, and raising them with a skewed vision on relationships.

Maybe that's where my hang up starts...

We base our relationships from the ones we see as children. Our parents.

My parents' relationship is fatally flawed and leaves a lot to be desired of it.

I now have issues with having healthy, truly functioning, loving relationships.
I've dated a few mentally abusive assholes.
A few serial cheaters.
I've cheated.
I fell in love with a guy who used me, and I refused to see it for what it was.
And now I am in the most emotionally confusing and messy situation I have ever been involved in.

Thanks Mom & Dad.

I can sit here and point fingers, trade blame, and pretend I am a victim.
But life is what you make it, correct?

I have been trying for the past couple of years to change my mindset on relationships. To stop getting caught up in unhealthy situations.
Apparently, old habits die hard.

So until I can stop sticking my hand on the stove and my head in the oven, I will refuse to accept the concept of marriage.

It is to me, a tragically flawed theory.
A theory that will probably never work for me.