It's 9pm

and I am sitting in my office.

I have a lot on my mind and I need to release it.
But I really can't say a lot of it out loud for the GP to hear.

The past few weeks I have started falling in love with my job again.
It's a complicated, tumultuous relationship. Love. Hate. Love. Lust. Hate.

There are moments when I want to throw my hands up and just walk away.
There are moments when I feel more important than any other 24 year old in the world.

I have days when I think I could make it work here.
But mainly, I know I am not made to live in a town like this or work for a company like this one for very long.

I need big. I need new. I need changes (even if I hate change.)
It's like a game of PAC-man, and I am running out of white balls to eat.

I am growing bored, frustrated, complacent. These are not good feelings.
I need a new challenge.

Then there is this belief I have held onto so tightly for years.
Something I would never go against ever.

And I continue to question it more and more every single day.

I think it is being fueled by loneliness.

Ok...I'm rambling. Time to go home.