Miles and miles

So this morning I got up at 3:30 to get ready & drive back to East Texas. Crazy after a night like last night. (Definitely a little hungover from alcohol and food.)
So I had two and half hours to drive with just the dogs & the radio. Which really meant, 2 and half hours for my mind to wander.
It settled on my weird desires to have someone to call my own.
There are days when I wonder what it would like to be married...maybe have a rugrat or two.
Not that I ever seriously consider this, but I do wonder.
I'm sure this is caused by the fact that I really miss having someone to come home to. I miss the companionship, doing things like cooking dinner together or having that person to fall asleep next to. Those kind of things are special to me. Not the big stuff.
I also do miss having a guy around for the token boyfriend responsibilities like changing headlight bulbs, windshield wipers, putting furniture together, and killing icky little creatures like spiders.
Yet, I also really enjoy being single and independent.
I like doing things on my terms.
Just like when I decided to take the job in Lufkin and move myself up here. At the time I was with FedEx, and he threw many of tantrums, but I knew it was something I had to do, for myself.
But I did it on my terms. And that was liberating.

But, of course, in less than two weeks the holiday that never treats me well will be celebrated by all who have someone to shower chocolates on.
I am not one of those people.
Therefore, I am boycotting the holiday.
I always get screwed over on Valentine's anyway.

Don't believe me? Well let's visit the past few Valentine's...

2007 - Cheerleader
We lived together at this point, and I got up at 5 am that day because I had to work and I wanted to surprise him.
So I went to the grocery store and bought some beautiful mini royal purple calla's, some rose petals, and Hershey kisses. When I got home, I sat in my car and tied to each flower a reason why I loved him. Then I went in, set up the flowers on the bar, surrounded by rose petals, tea light candles, and kisses. I also put rose petals from the bedroom door to the bar. It looked gorgeous. I even put rose petals & kisses in the seat of his car along with a card.
I was pretty proud of what I accomplished.
That day after work, I came home to a stuffed animal, a cheap necklace and the dogs had eaten the candy that was for me.
I then took us out to dinner.
So much for romance.

2008 - FedEx
About 2 and half weeks prior to Valentine's was his birthday, this is important because I made it a special day. I felt bad because we both had to work and that evening I had class & lab, so I really couldn't spend any time with him.
That afternoon during my lunch I went to Rao's & bought a huge cupcake, some pretty yellow daises and Hershey kisses. Set it all up in the kitchen with a card then returned to work. I also had a flower arrangement delivered to his office that was made up to look like a birthday cake, complete with candles.
I felt I made it a good day.
SO Valentine's comes, and the night before I had bought some pretty roses, a box of chocolates and a balloon. While he showered for work the next morning I tiptoed to his truck and put all of that in the driver seat.
What did I receive in return?
No chocolates, no flowers, no intimate time.
Nope. When he came thru the door that evening he handed me the ugliest plant I'd ever seen. It didn't even have flowers on it. It was pretty obvious he picked it up at the grocery store on his way home because he knew he could not arrive empty handed.
I was pissed.

So even though I do some pretty awesome things for the jerks I date, I don't get the same in return.
EVER.

I only date assholes, and if you're mentally unstable I will love you that much more.

So I give up on the whole idea of relationships and I am over Valentine's.

Obviously, it was never meant to be.